The Transfusion of Life

After nearly a decade together, we had finally became a family. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I realised that we had done it, after a scary few hours we had made it. Our Little Lord was finally here. But… it was silent. Everyone was silent.  He didn’t cry. A rush of bodies engulfed the operating theatre, hushed voices whispered around me. The ebb of tears that flowed down my cheeks became stained with panic. The tears of joy had gone.

Monitor the movements of your baby

I am an avid follower of Kick’s Count– monitoring movements saved my son’s life:

“Remember to report any change in your baby’s regular pattern of movement to your Midwife”

I follow Kick’s Count on facebook which was where I seen that if you have any reduced movements, which aren’t normal for the pattern and routine of your baby, then be safe and get checked. The recommendation of feeling at least 10 movements is OLD and no longer advocated. In my circumstances, my son liked to kick about 50-75 times per day, so only 10 movements for us would have alarm bells ringing.

In early November, his movements had dropped dramatically, even the style of movement, it just wasn’t as powerful. I knew something wasn’t right. I rang my local hospital and I insisted to be seen despite the ‘at least 10 movements’ policy which still operates in some hospitals. My son, the Little Lord would’ve died if we had delayed any longer.

Arrival to Hospital

I had multiple thoughts from a pregnancy laden brain, that I was wasting their time, that everything would be OK, that I was paranoid as it was coming towards the end of my pregnancy. These feelings are irrelevant- any doubt, get seen, be safe, don’t be sorry, you are NOT a burden.

The trace was put on, and it wasn’t reassuring, he was wasn’t moving much. The medical professionals couldn’t pin down or see anything in particular that was wrong at this point, but I was lucky, the consultant trusted my instinct, and kept the monitor on me and decided to begin the induction process. Half an hour after the trace was put on my son’s heart rate would drop dramatically to 50-60 bpm. This happened after every braxton hicks contraction. The normal range is between 110-160 bpm.

I was rushed into theatre for an emergency cesarean. It was suspected that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my son’s neck- and it was, twice, but that wasn’t the end of it.

My Son’s Arrival

My son was born that night. I expected to see my little bundle with pink rosy cheeks,  but I didn’t see him. Immediately all the medical professionals knew something was wrong, he was grey, his skin, everything about him, it looked like life had left his little body. I couldn’t breathe, my husband sat next to me and I told him to go to our son, he needed him more than I did.

It was eerily quiet with just the sound of respirators and beeps of machinery. I’ll never forget the look on the anesthetist’s face, I had struck a bond with him just a few moments before, the look he gave me was full of sorrow and pity. That look from a stranger absolutely crushed me. Nobody told me what was happening but I didn’t need to know, I could hear them trying to keep our son alive. The pillow under my head was soaked with the tears I didn’t know were flowing. I completely broke down.

My son eventually cried several minutes later, but the rush and whispers didn’t stop. I got to touch his face once before they took him to intensive care. I shouted at them not to worry about the mother/son bond and that crucial first meeting after birth, just take him and make him better. It was an order, so desperate and filled with panic. I knew I wouldn’t suffer with bonding issues at that very moment, precious and barely breathing, he had captured my heart when he weakly opened his eyes to look up at me. Then he was taken from us to intensive care- so young and alone.

I was wheeled out of theatre, without our baby, I remember being rolled up the corridor and seeing a ‘Congratulations it’s a boy‘ balloon in the neighbouring room. Tears were flowing so fast, I couldn’t breathe. I felt bitter that they had their baby boy and I didn’t even know where my baby was. All I knew was that he was alone. I told my husband that if anything happened to him, it would break me and I would never come back from that. It was the darkest thing I’ve ever thought or said in a moment filled with emotion.

The Road to Recovery

It was 6-7 hours before I got to see my son again, in a tank with wires, oxygen and blood going into him. They told me he shouldn’t have survived. He had lost just over 1/2 of his blood from his tiny 6 Ibs 11 ounce body, later we found out we had suffered with foetal maternal hemorrhage, this is where the blood flow reverses, so instead of the placenta giving my baby blood, my Little Lord was giving me blood.

On most occasions when this occurs, unfortunately Mama’s aren’t as lucky as me and my heart and soul goes out to these women.

I remember telling my husband we shouldn’t cry or be too emotional when we got to see him for the first time since birth, he had to fight and make it, so we had to be strong for him. I didn’t want a negative tear or a worrisome thought disrupt his recovery. I didn’t want him to sense our distress.

Our Little Lord- Elijah

My son had 2 blood transfusions that day- please donate, it saves lives and lets babies like mine have a life. To find out more about UK blood donation please see the NHS website .

He had the bruise marks where they tried to get a vein for 4 weeks. His body had been keeping his vital organs alive and so they found it hard to get a vein to provide a transfusion. He was pale, but looking pinker, he looked like a little boy who needed to cuddle- and cuddle we did.

We were in hospital for just over a week. It was a huge milestone when I got to hold him on the third day and that was a beautiful day and every day since we have held on to him like the little miracle he is. He recovered at a rapid rate.

My son is still anemic 7 months on, but he’s strong, he’s meeting his milestones and he is the most precious and loved little person in our lives. His smiles fill our heart full of love and now the tears that flow are definitely happy, infinitely happy. He is our Little Lord… our fighter and we love you buddy, beyond your wildest dreams.

This post has been submitted to Tots100/WaterWipes Baby Milestones challenge. #waterwipes


If you have been or are effected by still births, depression and issues with bonding, please know that there is a wealth of help and resources available. You are not alone. You may have dark thoughts sometimes, but you are loved and needed so for yourself and everyone in your life please reach out and get the help you deserve (Bonding and post natal depression help is available from a vast array of sources)

22 thoughts on “The Transfusion of Life

  1. Goodness I’ve never heard of this condition before – thanks so much for sharing your story and raising awarenessx #justanotherlinky

    1. Thank you for your comment it was a hard post to write but if it brings some exposure to the condition and alerts mama’s to their babies’ movements then I’ll be happy 🙂

  2. Sarah Howe

    Omg my heart was in my mouth reading this. You are so brave to go through all this again and write this post. I’m pregnant now and even at 20 weeks I am worried about movements. It is so important to get things checked out. This post will always be in my head. So glad all is well with your little man even though a very scary time for you all. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

    1. Thank you it was such a hard post to write. Congratulations on your pregnancy. If this post brings awareness to Kick’s Count and for women to know their babies own unique pattern then I’m very happy. I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy journey, and soon you’ll have a little bundle in your arms to get plenty of cuddles from. Xx

  3. Thank you for sharing this. It so important for mums to be to go and be checked for any concerns. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  4. Angela Milnes

    What a scary start. I’m glad your son was able to get the medical treatment he needed. Reminds me of my daughter’s birth although she needed a different urgent treatment. Angela from Daysinbed

    1. It’s a scary time when urgent treatment is required during birth, I hope your daughter is well 🙂 Thanks for commenting x

  5. Oh my word, I’ve never heard of this! I can only imagine how terrified you must have been. Well done Mummy for recognising that something was wrong and getting help, and thank you for sharing your story. Here’s hoping that your brave words might help another family in the future. Love and hugs to you and your beautiful little man xx

    1. I had never heard of it before either. This post was the hardest to write but hopefully awareness of baby movements will get out there more- I just can’t stress enough how important it is. Thanks for the love and hugs, my little man is a cheeky chappy now absolutely loves the attention! Thanks for commenting 🙂 xx

  6. Thank your for sharing your story which was not easy for any parent. It is good to hear your baby is meeting the milestones. We always assume that the baby will be born well and we will go home until an event changes everything but I am glad to read that you have come out fighting.

    1. Thank you for your comment. It was such a hard post to write and I can’t read it back- even now. I hope it brings the importance of baby movements into the limelight. Thanks again for stopping by! 🙂

  7. Thank you so so much for being brave and sharing your story with us. I can imagine how stressful and emotional it was to relive all of this and put it all down on paper for us to read. This post will definitely help so many others out there #stayclassymama

    1. Who would’ve thought the baby described in this post would go on to be a little fighter! I honestly can’t read this post back since I wrote it but I’m glad people know the back story to our little lord and hopefully bring awareness to movements for any pregnant ladies out there. Thanks for your kind comments it’s always great to read and get support 🙂

  8. I had never heard of this condition either. Your story is really moving and as others have said, it’s great that you’ve shared it for other pregnant women to read #stayclassymama

  9. My goodness! What a strong brave mum you are. That must have been petrifying. Hats off to you for sticking to your gut instinct that something wasn’t quite right and well done to the medical team for actually listening. It’s such an important story to tell, thank you for sharing this with the #dreamteam xx

    1. Thank you. It’s hard to relive but the charities and staff involved really made such a difference to my son’s life. Thanks for commenting 🙂

  10. Oh man I just cried on the train going to work. This must have been so difficult, I can imagine how emotional it would be right after the birth not being able to hold your son and worrying when they will finally bring him to you. I’m going to donate to the above, I have donated to similar charities because I know how awful it can be for parents and believe it’s such an important cause to support. Thank you for bringing awareness to this and sharing with #StayClassyMama.

    1. Thank you for donating to the charities. They are so close to my heart. I hate thinking about my little boy’s birth but I believe if it weren’t for those charities and the staff at the hospital trusting me that my little lord wouldn’t be here today. Such a frightening and sobering thought. Sorry for making you cry. Hopefully mascara wasn’t involved! 🙂 thanks for commenting!

  11. […] a wheel bearing in the back rear right side? Not willing to take any risks especially with his miracle Little Lord in the back seat, he decided he would pull in at the next service station. In the […]

  12. […] Previous Post- The Transfusion of Life to understand why an emergency Cesarean was carried […]

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